Your recent inattentiveness is both frustrating and disturbing. I used to mean something to you. Now? I sit here and wait. Wait! Wait!! Wait!!
Your last post was "Oscar Predictions." When someone clicks on me, they see a bunch of wildly incorrect Oscar picks. No apologies, mea culpas, or follow-ups of any sort. Frankly, it's hurtful and embarrassing. The other blogs will no longer speak with me, except to crack jokes about Kramer vs. Kramer and Star Wars being our newest reviews.
The time we used to spend together was the time of my life. Your daily posting of witty movie reviews on me, and leaving playful puns in my comment area was truly a whirlwind of joy for me. When you started calling me a glob instead of a blog, I wore the moniker as badge of honor. We were a team.
You started this glob to review movies. Am I to believe neither of you have seen a movie since February? Let me guess, you're just far too busy to possibly have time for one of your hard-hitting, in-depth reviews. I remember the good ol' days when after viewing a film, or thinking of a funny idea, I was the first place you'd turn. Now I'm left to wonder if there is another glob you're secretly posting on. Or perhaps you simply keep these thoughts to yourself, or write them in some ratty old spiral notebook.
Let me put aside my rancor for a moment. I should probably provide some background as to my reasons for my frustration, and my fear of abandonment. I was deserted at a young age by my father, Fondue Movie Reviews Senior, Esq. He ran off without a trace with a shiny AOL startup disc that arrived in the mail one day. You won't be surprised to hear that the relationship was short-lived, but he never returned home. Last I heard, he was living in a run-down sailboat off the coast of the Caspian Sea, and hitting the bottle pretty hard.
Later in life, I truly thought I'd met the love of my life. She was a Hotmail e-mail address with a rapier wit and movie-star good looks. Just when things started to get serious, her whorish tendencies came to the forefront. She decided blogs were "a bit too futuristic," and she promptly dumped me for Angie's List.
I realize this is the first you've heard of my past troubles, and sure, I probably should have brought them up earlier, but I was so high on the never-ending party that was Fondue Movie Reviews that I thought the party would never end. Hell, thanks to Mike I was coked out of my gourd so often I couldn't possibly have gotten a firm grip on reality.
As you can tell from my ramblings, the fall has been hard. It is my hope that we can reconcile before things are too far gone. The solution is simple, go and enjoy a movie, and afterward put your thoughts on me. This I beg of you.
I love you both.
Sincerely,
Fondue Movie Reviews Jr. (AKA The Glob)
