The Coming Age War

I saw an alarming headline today: "New focus on overlooked global threat." In the photograph (as you can see) there was a lovely looking old woman in purple getting some exercise. What could this "threat" be? A new revelation in global warming? A new strain of disease, threatening our elderly? Nope. Just a lot of old codgers running amok.

The alarmist nature of the headline made me think of this comedy sketch: A bowl of hard candy on every corner!

Underrated Treasure of the Week: City Heat

One of these days I shall compose an essay describing in exact detail how the movies I watched repeatedly during my primary school years shaped me into the amazing adult that you know today. However, until the full story appears in its magnificent entirety, hints and allegations will have to suffice. 

Today's feature: the 1984 Depression-era frenemy cop story, City Heat, which stars (quite alliteratively):

• Clint Eastwood as Lieutenant Speer: steely-eyed, snarly, and spare of frame
• Burt Reynolds as Mike Murphy: smarmy, swaggering, and suitably smart alecky
• Madeleine Kahn as Caroline Howley: pronouncing "s" correctly

Here is one of one available scenes I found on You Tube. Enjoy!

But, Paige, you're wondering...how did this affect you? How did this sophisticated cinematic opus mold you into the Nobel Prize winner/model/celebrity chef whose face has appeared on covers of The New Yorker, Cosmopolitan, and National Enquirer?? How, Paige, how???

Shut up! I will tell you.

In the very last scene of this movie, you see Speer and Murphy walking down a dark street. The story has come to a close. Loose ends have been tied up. The arch-nemeses came together to solve a mystery. Their mutual goal accomplished, they can return to their corners to live to die another day.

And Speer says to Murphy, "You'll always be Shorty to me."

It's important to know that my older sister and I often watched this movie together. While she tended to identify with the put-upon Speer, I preferred the rakish good looks of Burt.

And now: she is 5' 11''. And I am 5' 4''.

And there you have it...

City Heat made me short.

Breaking Bad (ever heard of it?): How it Ends

I like Breaking Bad and I don't care who knows it!

Yes, I realize Walter White fever has gripped the nation, and me waxing eloquent about how great of a show it is won't make for an entertaining read. For me though, it has gotten to the point where I really have no interest in watching any other television shows or movies until this epic final season comes to an end.

I'm especially invested in the series because I was very late to the party and I have been watching the show progress essentially non-stop. I started binge-watching on Netflix a few months back, and the timing just happened to be perfect with the Netflix episodes running out and the current season starting on regular television. The acting, nearly flawless writing, and overall intensity of Breaking Bad is unparalleled in any show I have ever seen.

**Caution** Spoilers ahead. Do not read further unless you are caught up with the current episode.




All joking aside, there are really spoilers ahead. Don't say I didn't warn you. This is your last opportunity to turn back. It's not too late.

Last chance!

Ok....

Here is my prediction for the final two episodes of Breaking Bad. I feel fairly confident about this.

The last episode was so heartbreaking, sad, and tragic, that I can't help but think that even for such a dark show we've hit rock-bottom in terms of despair for Walt and his family. While I certainly don't think we are in for a radiant conclusion to the story, I do feel that Walt will do all he can to rectify the massive damage he's done.

We know from the flash-forwards that Walt will be purchasing a large machine gun in the bathroom of a Denny's -incidentally one of my favorite pastimes- but why does he need it? Walt's last gun purchase was in Season 4, when he insisted it was for defense, when in actuality the plan was more of a preemptive strike against Gus. This time around, I believe he's been stewing about his money being stolen by Uncle Jack and the Nazis, and he's planning on heading into Camp Meth N' Misdeeds guns-a-blazing to get back the fortune he worked so hard to accumulate.

Assuming he successfully takes out Adolf's army, what does he do with Jesse? The Nazis have all but stuck a red ball in Jesse's mouth while making him their personal meth chef. While Walt and Jesse aren't exactly on good terms, I think enough time has passed that Walt will find enough compassion to let Jesse go free, and Jesse's story will end with him living and having an opportunity to have a fresh start. I'm sure there will be a little more to it than that, but that will be the end result.

Now we know Walt's cancer is back, and because he's been forced to flee and stay in hiding, we can assume going to regular chemotherapy sessions hasn't been an option. Knowing he is likely facing his last days has created the sense of urgency that leads to him going after his money, and finding a way to get it to his family. Where is the family? I have no idea, but we know they aren't at home anymore. I predict Walt finds them, and I expect a final interaction and some semblance of a reconciliation (an $80 million reconciliation) between Walt and his family.

This brings us to the ricin. Again from the flash-forward, we know that Walt takes a big risk going back to his old house, and he does it to retrieve the ricin hidden behind a wall outlet plate. He really wanted that ricin...he needed that ricin. Who is it for? I believe it is for none other than Walter White himself. His life is in shambles, he's in hiding, he's dying, he's made some sort of amends with Jesse and his family, and recovered his money. What does he have left? Nothing. He's done, he's "out." He's going to let the ricin take care of him before the cancer does.

That's how it ends.

There's a chance that I'm completely wrong, but that's my prediction. If I'm right, feel free to congratulate me profusely for my intelligence and foresight in the comments. If I'm wrong, this post will be whisked away in a minivan to places unknown.

Things you can't spell without spelling other things...

Strategic without tragic

Poem of the Day: Ozymandias

I think we all know why...

Ozymandias
Percy Bysshe Shelley

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

---

Conveniently, Mr. Shelley was married to Mrs. Shelley, a.k.a. Mary Shelley a.k.a. author of Frankenstein a.k.a. The Modern Prometheus. Some viewers might not be opposed to Walter White a.k.a. Heisenberg meeting the same end that the Titan did, namely being bound to a rock and having an eagle visit him every day to eat his liver, and then regrowing his liver overnight and having it all happen again the next day, a.k.a. Groundhog Day II: It's for the Birds...

...I'm sorry. I forgot where I was going with this.

50 First Dates: The 10-Words-Or-Fewer (or is it Less?) Movie Review

Amnesia: I'd like some too please.