An Important Question This Election Season

Have you ever asked yourself, "Just how white is Mitt Romney?" Well, snow looks like the darkest shade of gray in comparison.

Quote of the Day: H.L. Mencken

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Probably not on this bench though. This bench is getting NO PLAY.

Hey, wait a sec!

Just Because

Contest...Photo Caption Contest





56.3% of concerned NPR citizens think I'm the best Bond of all time. What do you say to that, Danny Boy?

I'd say NPR listeners are a bunch of pansies. Except for the 27.81% of them who think I'm Bondier than you, Old Man.

  

Eh, what's that, Sonny?! You think can out-Bond me, you hing-oot, bawfaced tossbag?! I challenge you to a smolder-off!   

     

Silly minger! My left eye has more smolder than that ciggy hanging out of your daft mouth!



Oh, yeah? Look at this!!!!
*smolder*

 

Meh.
*smolder*

Bah! *smolder*



Nyah nyah. *smoldery smolderoo*



Ha! *smolder with gun* Beat that, you ginky bamstick!



That's not a gun. This is a *smolder* gun.
Game.
Set.
Match.

Quote of the Day: Celeste Holm

The other day, as I was driving home, I was listening to a 1990 interview with the late Celeste Holm. (Who's Celeste Holm?! She was like the female Richard Jenkins of the 50s: in everything, but nobody knows her name.) Anyway, Ms. Holm passed away on July 15, 2012, a fact which presumably contributed to the re-airing of the interview at the time I started writing this blurb (um, about 2 months ago).

I had pulled up to the curb to park my car when Terry Gross asked Celeste, "What was it like working with Frank Sinatra?" And just as I was turning the key to pull it from the ignition, Celeste replied, "Well, I've always enjoyed working with children..."

Oh.

Snap!

Detected!

(Update) Dateline: Hold Shelf at Southwest Branch of Seattle Public Library

The Artist: Position 650 on 149 copies - Hold placed April 4, 2012
The Little Mermaid (don't judge me): Position 156 on 6 copies - Hold placed July 16, 2012

It's been neck and neck with these two. I'm planning on a photo finish. Depending on which DVD appears first, I will pursue one of two lifelong dreams:

• Option A: Become mermaid
• Option B: Exchange speech for placards and make sure iPhone is constantly spewing out melodramatic classical music

My destiny awaits...

Speaking of black-and-white French things, I know someone who LOVES cats...

Brilliant Idea: #88

Crosswords with Friends

No, I'm not talking about being spittingly exasperated whilst playing Words with Friends. Someone already invented that. (I just perfected it.)

Instead, Crosswords with Friends would be programmed with an algorithm that would determine the best play that you can make with the letters in your arsenal. Then, it would give you a clue to what that word would be. The levels of difficulty would be: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc. And Thursday would be all enigmatic and annoying.

The truth is, someone probably already thought about this, but I'm too square to know it. If that's the case, I don't need to know. I'd prefer to just wallow in the muck and mire of self-aggrandizement.

Android Girlfriend (Not My Brilliant Idea)
[Shout-Out to xkcd]