Happy Halloween!

Igby Goes Down: Agreed

Found Movie Review

I discovered this partial movie review while sorting through some papers, at work of all places. Its placement in the notebook in which it is recorded reveals that I began writing it approximately 3 years ago. I know this because the next page contains a list, written by a friend who visited from Michigan - yep, you guessed it - 3 years ago. This list consists of meals he was willing to prepare in exchange for the time he crashed on my couch. There are check marks next to: Mexican Feast, Baked Chicken, and Pizza. Why this list found its way into a notebook at work, I have no idea. But I'm almost certain that it is quite a boring story. I do remember regretting that we opted for Baked Chicken instead of Mexican Feast though. End of digression. On to the review...

Review of Igby Goes Down

by Three-Years-Ago Paige

Thought-provoking only so much as to cause one to wonder, for several minutes after it ends, why it was made.

And yet, "Two thumbs up!" rave Ebert and Roeper on the DVD jacket. "One of the best films this year!" agrees CNN. Such exclamatory praise! But altogether questionable.

The most redeeming, and I use the term loosely, quality of this film appears (in all places!) in Jeff Goldblum's performance. At once avuncular and prurient, his character, D.H., is downright creepy.

Well, that's it. That's all I wrote. There's sort of a wavy line that slants from the last period down to the bottom right of the page, leading me to believe that it was at that precise moment that I passed out from boredom, overindulgence of Prosecco, or both. Probably both.

Unfortunately, after reading this review of mine, I'm strangely curious and intrigued. I don't remember the movie that well or why I despised it so much. And now I feel like watching the movie again. WHICH MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!!!!! NO SENSE AT ALL!!!

Ripped From the Headlines

Just a quick glance at Yahoo! today reveals the following headlines:

Linda Hogan 'devastated' but not 'shocked' over Hulk sex tape

Fondue analysis: I'm assuming this is Hulk Hogan and not the green guy. Either way, I hope none of you decide to look ANY further into this.

Tom Cruise prowler arrested, tased, then revealed to be drunk

Fondue analysis: Take the word "prowler" out of the headline, and you've got a story I may read. 

Power outages black out popular websites. 

Fondue analysis: The horror! Not only is my card three feet underwater, but I can't get on Huffington Post!

Photos: Tokyo's claustrophobic capsule hotel

Fondue analysis: I've always wanted to go to Tokyo, preferably on the cheap, but this is ridiculous. These remind me of the pods that kept Charlton Heston and his crew alive until 3978 in Planet of the Apes. Well, (spoiler alert) not the whole crew.... ahhhhhhh!

Sing-A-Long: The Best French Song of All Time

...well, one of the best French songs of all time.

[...]

...actually, it's just kind of an okay French song.

[...]

[...]

...Here's a song in French!

French Song

Do you want to sing along to the chorus? I bet you do!!

Aux Champs-Élysées
Aux Champs-Élysées
Au soleil, sous la pluie
À midi ou à minuit
Il y a tout ce que vous voulez
Aux Champs-Élysées

Translation:
We're better than you
Because we're French.
Dah dah dah dah dah dah
We eat frog legs for brayk-fahst
Dah dah dah dah dah dah
Dah dah

An Important Question This Election Season

Have you ever asked yourself, "Just how white is Mitt Romney?" Well, snow looks like the darkest shade of gray in comparison.

Quote of the Day: H.L. Mencken

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Probably not on this bench though. This bench is getting NO PLAY.

Hey, wait a sec!

Just Because

Contest...Photo Caption Contest





56.3% of concerned NPR citizens think I'm the best Bond of all time. What do you say to that, Danny Boy?

I'd say NPR listeners are a bunch of pansies. Except for the 27.81% of them who think I'm Bondier than you, Old Man.

  

Eh, what's that, Sonny?! You think can out-Bond me, you hing-oot, bawfaced tossbag?! I challenge you to a smolder-off!   

     

Silly minger! My left eye has more smolder than that ciggy hanging out of your daft mouth!



Oh, yeah? Look at this!!!!
*smolder*

 

Meh.
*smolder*

Bah! *smolder*



Nyah nyah. *smoldery smolderoo*



Ha! *smolder with gun* Beat that, you ginky bamstick!



That's not a gun. This is a *smolder* gun.
Game.
Set.
Match.