Fondue Unleashed, A Movie Review!: Django Unchained

If you're familiar with the past works of Quentin Tarantino, you probably are well aware of some of the elements that Django Unchained contains. Unique dialogue. Over-the-top violence. A soundtrack featuring songs which seem simultaneously both perfect and wildly out of place. Over-the-top violence. Samuel L. Jackson. Homages to film styles of the past. Over-the-top violence. All of these are present in Django, but it's still a unique film that is alternately brutal, wildly hilarious, and even touching.

I can't wait another paragraph to give a shout-out to Christoper Waltz, who plays one of the lead roles as a travelling dentist/bounty hunter. Waltz is responsible for one of the best, most intense film scenes in recent memory: the opening scene of Inglorious Basterds, in which he plays, "The Jew Hunter," a role which deservedly won him an Oscar. Well, he is is back to his scene-stealing ways in Django, in fact he completely owns the first half of the movie. Waltz delivers every line with a heaping tablespoon of charisma and a teaspoon of subtle humor. I hereby demand that he appear in all future Tarantino movies.

A lesser but nonetheless enthusiastic shout-out goes to Leonardo Dicaprio, who plays Calvin Candee, owner of the hysterically-named plantation Candee Land. I forgave him for Titanic quite a while ago, but at this point he's reached must-see status in my book. He does a nice job in a role that's a bit out of his element.

I can't believe I used "shout-out" even once, let alone twice. I'm sure Christopher and Leo will both be ecstatic to receive word of my shouting, but still...not a very creative choice of words by yours truly. My apologies, but I'm just going to roll with it.

Django starts out with a bang, literally and figuratively, but bogs down a bit about 3/4 of the way through. Still, despite it's nearly three-hour running time, it's a lot of fun throughout, and as one of my measures of how entertaining a movie is, even elicited a smattering of applause after it ended.

One of the things I admire about Tarantino is that he doesn't try to be something he's not. He does this genre, whatever you want to label it, extremely well and doesn't stray from it. Yet despite their stylistic similarities, each of his films is a unique experience.

The hardest part of writing a movie review for me is figuring out how to end it with something more saucy than "go see it," or "don't go see it," so my review has abruptly ended. Luckily, I have a fallback for my closing today, and I will just say Happy New Year to everyone who has stumbled upon this blog for whatever reason, and also to the most talented writer I know who just happens to write on this blog as well. Until next year...bye!

The Minister's Cat is a Nebulous Cat!

If you find yourselves bored at your family gathering this Christmas, eating fondue, looking at stuffed quails, or just staring at your shoes, might I suggest engaging your family in this whimsical game. 19th century garb optional, but encouraged.

Merry Christmas (eve).

Why I Am Looking Forward to Friday

No, I don't want the world to end, I still have Christmas shopping to do, not to mention a growing list of planned activities for 2013. However, I desperately want the end of the world jokes to end. None of them are funny at this point, and most never were to begin with. Had the Mayans and their crack team of scientists had the foresight to predict the steady stream of hackneyed jokes coming from water-cooler comedians everywhere, they might have just kept this all under wraps.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Lest you fancy me a curmudgeon, here's a loosely-related video as your reward.

An Accidental Discovery

I know a thing or two about the internet, let me tell you. However, I wasn't quite prepared for what I saw today on "the web," as the kids call it nowadays.

I have a job, a little something to supplement my income derived from Fondue, and while working at the aforementioned job today, I typed "42," attempting to enter the number onto a spreadsheet. Well, I must have been distracted, for I erroneously typed the number into a Google search instead. My mistake led to me to a fascinating discovery... the number 42 has its own Wikipedia page! Not only that, but the Wikipedia entry begins with "42 (forty-two) is the natural number immediately following 41 and directly preceding 43."  

Has anyone ever seen the number 42 and wondered what it was, gone to Google in a panic, and been relieved to find it was simply a number between 41 and 43? What are the odds someone would know about 41 and 43, but not 42? Does every number have a dedicated Wikipedia page? I'll continue my research and will pass it along to all of you.

I am so tired of reading about Fingerbling McLardNard

Much better.

Do you know this man?



1885-1933

 No?

I'm not surprised. I wouldn't either.

This fellow, Ringgold Wilmer Lardner (or more commonly known by the monosyllabic moniker, Ring) began his career as a sports columnist in Chicago, Boston and St. Louis. Eventually expanding his work to include humorous short stories and plays, he is responsible for arguably one of the funniest and most useful lines in American fiction.

Here's a bit of dialogue from his short story, The Young Immigrants. A young son says to his father:

'Are you lost, daddy?' I arsked tenderly. 'Shut up,' he explained.

A very handy explanation in my book, one to keep in the back pocket whenever inconvenient questions wander into a conversation.

More about Ring...

P.S. Look at that typewriter!!! *swoon*

Life Tip #19

Avoid sitting in the front row whenever possible.

Laurence Fishburne Debuts New Line of Greeting Cards*

Totally getting my Christmas cards from here this year.

*Not a true statement. No Shakespearean actors were harmed in the composition of this post.

All Work and No Play Makes Jacques a Dull Boy

ert-ruem! ert-ruem!

It's beginning to look a lot--

ATARI!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- uh, I was going to say "...like Christmas."