In order to protect the guilty, these comments will remain anonymous.
Saige: The ceremony hasn't even begun yet and I'm already outraged on behalf of Peter O'Toole.
Saige: The ceremony hasn't even begun yet and I'm already embarrassed for Bjork.
Saige: The ceremony hasn't even begun yet and I already hate whomever Sandra Bullock is dating.
Nike: When you said "Let's watch the Oscars!" I thought you said, "Let's watch the National Naked Curling Championships." I didn't agree to this.
Nike: Joseph Gordon- Levitt is the most popular person in Hollywood who's name nobody can ever remember.
Nike: Whoa! Can't they start with best supporting sound editing or something? I'm just settling in and we are already doing Best Supporting Actor?
Nike: Yes, Christoph Waltz!
Nike: Jack Nicholson looks like a parody of himself at this point. Shades? C'mon now...
Nike: Any movie clip looks great if you set it to the right music.
Nike: The bottom of Amy Adams' dress looks like a pack of wolves was killed to construct it. Is this a Sarah Palin special?
Nike: This is fun, literally every category has the same five movies nominated. I've seen enough still shots from Lincoln tonight that I no longer feel the need to see the movie.
Saige: Zzzzzzzzzz.
Nike: The Handsome Actors Guild has issued an edict: Beards are to be worn at this year's Oscars.
Nike: The Sound Editors & Mixers Guild has issued an edict: Hair is to be worn below the shoulder blade.
Nike: Judging from the clips, all of the Les Miserables actors really left everything on the table. I'll bet they all thought they were going to win Oscars.
Nike: Included in the list of things I'd rather do than see Les Miserables: sit in a dark, locked closet with a rabid dog for three hours.
Saige: Zzzzzzzzz.
Nike: I can see Seth Macfarlane doing this regularly, he's great. EDIT: He says he will never do it again.
Nike: Thinking to self, "I wonder if anyone has ever fallen down walking up to accept an Oscar?"
Nike: Wow! Jennifer Lawrence just fell! She seems like the type of person who could shake it off pretty easily though. Wait a second, she's 22, a multi-millionaire, the sexiest woman in Hollywood, and just won Best Actress, I'm not going to feel too sorry for her.
Nike: Wait, what? Michelle Obama is announcing the Best Picture winner? Who are all these strangely dressed guards surrounding her? Why wasn't Laura Bush asked when she was in office? This is an outrage. Sean Hannity better be all over this in the morning.
Nike: Argo wins Best Picture, as I expected. It's really good, and as an added bonus, Saige and I have both seen it. Sadly, neither of us reviewed it.
Nike: Well, that was fun. Goodnight, I'm out.
Saige: Oh, are you "out??" Zzzzzzzz.
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