The Current State of News, In 26 Seconds

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Pour out a 40 for journalism.

Netflix Review of the Week: Jack Reacher

See: Oblivion

American Hustle: Who Cares About the Movie? We Made a Globcast!!

For the first time in history, the voices of Mike and Paige are available in a never-before heard globcast from 1983.

 Part 1 - Errata:

• Paige mistakenly identifies "Silver Linings Playlist" as "Silver Linings Playbook," demonstrating her near-constant preoccupation with theater

 Part 2 - Errata:

• Paige confidently states the aphorism as "Necessity breeds invention." In actuality, the phrase is "Necessity is the mother of contempt."
• Mike's opprobrious dismissal of certain controlled substances makes him appear guiltier than a Canadian mayor. In actuality, the intensity of his discourse reflected a sincere distaste for all reality-altering substances. All of them. All. Well, he does enjoy a sprinkling of angel dust in his morning coffee, but who doesn't?
• Paige rambles on about character-, plot-, and tone-driven films. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She failed her undergraduate Introduction to Film class, but she's still appealing the grade.

Anchorman 2- The Review

After much anticipation, I saw Anchorman 2. 

Here is the review I had hoped to write:

Anchorman is my favorite comedy of all time. After repeated viewings, it somehow becomes funnier, as each viewing is a chance to discover a previously overlooked line or joke to laugh about until the next time I see it. Was there any chance Anchorman 2 could live up to those impossibly high standards? Well, considering it had the same director and the same cast in place for the sequel, how could it not? I'm pleased to announce that the sequel confirmed my suspicions! While I can't fairly compare it after only a single viewing, I can say without hesitation that they've captured everything that made the original so damned uproarious, yet put a new spin on it (it has been 10 years after all). If you are an Anchorman fan, you won't be disappointed. If you don't go see this movie right this instant, I will personally pelt you repeatedly with snowballs.

For a small fee, I'd be happy to go ahead and write that review and call it good. But considering I haven't received a worthy offer as of yet, I won't go all Ron Brewington on our readers.

However...here is my actual review:

A while back, I read a comment from Judd Apatow where he mentioned how surprised the cast and crew was at how funny the original Anchorman was after they'd finished filming. They thought it would be funny, but not that funny. To me, it seemed like a film where they came up with a concept for a story, got a bunch of incredibly funny people together, threw in a mish-mash of ad-libs, jokes, and situations they found funny, and it just happened to turn out just right. While Anchorman 2 was funny in its own right, the legitimate laughs were much less frequent than in the original, and laughs of the falling-on-the-floor variety were present, but rare. It seemed a bit too contrived, and winked a bit too much at the original by insisting on rehashing jokes that were much better the first time around.

In the original, Will Ferrell played Ron Burgundy, in the sequel, it seemed he was portraying Will Ferrell playing Ron Burgundy. It's a subtle difference, but it matters. There was also too much Steve Carell for my taste. Carell had some funny moments in the original, but it helped that his role was relatively small. In the sequel, they doubled down on Carell and his character's stupidity. It was a bit overdone.

I don't want to be completely negative, Anchorman 2 is absolutely worth seeing, but it just missed the mark enough that it's more of a "worth a look," than a "must see" comedy. As compared to all other comedies, it's a solid B+, but for those whose expectations were through the roof, prepare for a mild disappointment.

Paige's Wildly Well-Researched Wild Card Predictions

Chiefs vs. Colts
Winner: Colts
Prediction Methodology: Team logo is a horseshoe and the dude's name is Luck. If they don't win, they're idiots. Indianapolis.

Chargers vs. Bengals
Winner: Bengals
Prediction Methodology: Charging is all well and good, but over-charging leads to debt, headaches, and a wardrobe reflecting such unfortunate decisions as glitter Uggs and mini-skirts made out of candy bar wrappers. Cincinnati.

Saints vs. Eagles
Winner: Eagles
Prediction Methodology: Despite the Saints' unfortunate road record, they have an interesting fleur-de-lis logo. Speaking of logos, Philadelphia is near Pittsburgh, and Pittsburgh has the BEST LOGO IN THE NFL!! Philadelphia.

49ers vs Packers
Winner: Packers
Prediction Methodology: Hmm. I hate the 49ers. But I like gold. Hmm. I also like cheese. Green Bay.

Fon Do Scenes: Episode 6- Anchorman

Happy Anchorman 2 Week!!!!

In honor of yesterday's release of the long-awaited Anchorman 2, the decision to post an Anchorman scene today is an easy one. The much harder choice is....which scene to post? We'll make it a short and simple one.

Yes, I will be seeing Anchorman 2 this evening. By the beard of Zeus, I will put on my Sex Panther cologne, work on my enunciating, call my friends, get a quick workout in, and get my tickets.

Consider this an announcement to keep an eye out for a review soon.

Fon Don't: Move to Austin

What? Why not??

Because of traffic. What about traffic?

"The technical word we use is 'awful,' "explains this NPR description of ONE OF THE MOST HELLISH POTENTIAL COMMUTES KNOWN TO MAN!

I'll be honest, I don't care about Austin. Nope. Not really. I do care about the fact that there's a nearby town by the name of Paige. I care about Paige. A lot.

Okay, this is all just an elaborate and clever introduction to one of my favorite news voices of all time: Wade Goodwyn, NPR National Desk Correspondent from Texas, stationed in Dallas. Why Wade? Here's why:

1. Not to be judgmental, but his accent sounds like one could find him, betwixt reports, reclining in a leather club chair, a 10-gallon hat perched at a rakish angle on his wild Texan head of hear, his cowboy boot-clad feet casually crossed at the ankles atop a massive wooden desk, smoking a cigar and brandishing a hunting rifle that he regularly unloads in the direction of an 18-point buck trophy mounted on a nearby wall.
2. He also sounds like one of the sanest people currently living in Texas. (Oh dear. That sounds judgmental too.)
3. Well, anyway, most importantly, he sounds like the narrator of Charlotte's Web. (Although he might gleefully put a bullet in in between Wilbur's beady little porcine eyes. Who knows.)

Despite the fact that I don't know Goodwyn's personal political leanings, I appreciate hearing him on NPR. He and Nina Totenberg reading the transcripts of Supreme Court  proceedings counteract the soul-crushing dialects of at least one other correspondent (whom I am simply too well-mannered to name here, even though I really really really want to).

In conclusion, Wade Goodwyn, please don't be a Republican.

Wade Goodwyn: Fon Do