Last Friday Was A Catastrophe!

Casual day and my super skinny jeans were in the dirty clothes hamper. What unacceptable rubbish this is, I thought, as I perused my extensive, yet still unsatisfying wardrobe options. I had to make do with some boring old, figure-flattering boot-cut pair.

Skinny jeans: Incomparable. Ineffable. So revealing. So casual. So dress up- and dress down-able. How can it be that there is no attire that provides an adequate substitute for this most delightful and universally appropriate article of clothing, in either form or function? And yet, it is so. There is a gaping hole in the American closet when skinny jeans are in the wash.

Thus, I have taken it upon myself to suggest some alternatives should any of our dear readers ever encounter the same horrific nightmare that visited me late last week.

The Jumper
Ah, the jumper, that saucy number popularized by Shelley Duvall in The Shining. Should you find yourself bereft of your skinnies, the jumper (or pinafore, if you're British) will do quite nicely in a pinch. Pair it with a turtleneck for heightened allure.

Jodhpurs
Specifically, brightly patterned jodhpurs. A Hawaiian-print pair should be a staple in any self-respecting woman's or metrosexual's closet. Once you have those, feel free to expand your collection. Experiment with tie-dye, tribal patterns, animal prints, and pink camouflage. Then put some taps on your shoes. Nothing says "active, equestrian lifestyle" like the sound of you clip-clopping down the sidewalk like a Clydesdale.

Culottes
I'm thinking wide legs, huge wide legs that flutter and frill around your thighs like you're Annie Oakley at a shuffleboard tournament. Wear them with a sombrero to look especially fetching at the next board meeting.

You'll need the baseball bat to ward off all the suitors who will be drawn to you and your jumper-rocking bod like bees to honey.
Via