Thursday, January 17, 2013

Answers To Some of Life's Questions

What is beauty? Why do bad things happen to good people? What is love? What happens after death? These are some of the Great Human Questions that have inspired great minds to think of great answers and write great amounts of literature to fill great libraries.

They are called "great" human questions because that's what the instructors of Humanities 2930 at Edison Community College, in Fort Myers, Florida call them. And Edison CC is the nexus of the most important philosophical work being done today on this topic. (Additionally, the institution's proximity to Fort Myers Beach affords it a unique perspective from which to view the anthropological marvel known as "Spring Break" and so Edison is also home to some of today's preeminent researchers in the field of Great Human Binge Drinking.)

Edison CC will soon be offering the course "Great Human Answers." Here is a sneak preview of the syllabus (subject to change):

Humanities 9001: Great Human Answers

  • Week 1:
    • Yes
  • Week 2
    • No
  • Week 3
    • I don't think so.
  • Week 4
    • I doubt it.
  • Week 5
    • I don't like to talk about that time in my life.
  • Week 6
    • Only on Tuesdays.
  • Week 7
    • I'm not at liberty to say.
  • Week 8
    • Brie cheese and a bikini.
  • Week 9
    • 5:10 a.m. May 5, 1996
  • Week 10
    • Blue! My eyes are blue!!
At the end of the course, students will be prepared to answer almost any question posed to them. However, the instructors realize that some questions simply elude satisfactory response, now, and possibly forever. Example: "What is Miley Cyrus?" Not answerable. You may think "Nobody knows" is a sufficient reply. But you would be wrong. This question should be ignored and the inquirer shunned for having spoken the creature's name at all and risking its attention.
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5 comments:

  1. PaigeJanuary 18, 2013 at 1:04 PM

    There will be a test at the end of each week to see if you know the correct question to the answer.

    For example, week 1...

    The correct question is, "Can you tell me where the nearest lavatory is?"

    ReplyDelete
  2. MikeJanuary 18, 2013 at 1:14 PM

    So like this?
    Week 2...

    Can you vouch for the cleanliness of the nearest lavatory?

    ReplyDelete
  3. PaigeJanuary 18, 2013 at 1:35 PM

    Mike, I'm afraid the answer to the question you posed is "What do I look like? A janitor?"

    As you can see, your question provokes a response that is also a question. We call this questionable answer practices and it's frowned upon by great people.

    A valiant effort. Try again.

    ReplyDelete
  4. MikeJanuary 18, 2013 at 1:49 PM

    I'll try again..

    Week 2:

    "I write semi-professionally. Do I stand a chance of being hired by Fondue Movie Reviews?

    ReplyDelete
  5. PaigeJanuary 18, 2013 at 3:15 PM

    No.

    * * *

    Excellent work, comrade! You are awarded 20 points for this week's question.

    ReplyDelete

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