Going Through the Mailbag

As you may have surmised from the last post, we get flooded with fan mail here at Fondue, and we just don’t have the time to reply to all of them. Just to let you know your voices are being heard, we’ve decided to select a few and respond.

We'll try to do this on a weekly basis, but we probably won't.

I was offended by Paige's review of War Horse. I found it to be a compelling inquiry into the nature of love, as viewed through an artful juxtaposition with the atrocities of war. I demand a retraction.

- Theophilus G., Boston, MA

I find you to be a compelling inquiry into the nature of prickery, as viewed through an artful juxtaposition of the atrocities of your dispicable Boston accent. I demand a retraction of your existence. Oh, and thanks for reading. -Mike

I ordered a radiator hose, and I received a vat of mocha fondue. Exquisite though it may be, the fondue does literally nothing for my '89 Ford Probe. Please correct your error in a timely fashion.

-Ray M. Murfreesboro, TN

Ray...
...for the 11th time. Please do not use the word "probe" in your "fan mail" to us.
Thanks, Paige

What about frogs?

- Tom C., Duluth, MN

Interesting question, Tom. I'm glad you brought that up. A lot of people are struggling with this issue. You have three options:

1. Like 'em. Don't be a hater.
2. Beat 'em: Consult your local directory, find the number for your local kite-man, sit back and relax while he takes care of business.
3. Join 'em. 

It is okay if I to remove my pants before read your blog?

- Pyotr K., Minsk, Belarus

It would have been had you not mentioned it. - Mike