Here is my abridged, almost entirely ignorant, and probably unfollowable version of the events that have transpired thus far:
- 75% income tax proposed for millionaires in La Frahnce. It's a terrible time to be wealthy.
- Depardieu moves to Belgium. For the culture? Doubtful.
- French Prime Minister calls D. "pathetic." Is he talking about Green Card? Non.
- D.'s très genial answer to the allegations of his lameness includes the following:
"I have never killed anyone, I don't think I've been unworthy, I've paid €145 million ($190 million) in taxes over 45 years," the 64-year-old actor wrote. "I will neither complain nor brag, but I refuse to be called 'pathetic'."
- [What world is this where Gérard Depardieu makes that much money?!?!]
- Chechnya calls Depardieu to see if he would like to have a sleepover. Depardieu declines. It's Chechnya. I mean, who wouldn't?
- Vlad Putin hears of Depardieu's travails, calls him up and is like, "Hey, man, you don't vahnt to stay there. Cahm to Russia. Be a Muscovite." (I can't do a Russian accent, sorry.)
- Depardieu is granted Russian citizenship. He is now known as Depardieuinsky.
- Finally, he and his serfs can settle down in peace.
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